Musical jokes

[AlanMcKillop]

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?








3 bars at the end of the song.

[Amanda]

What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.

Amanda

[RayL]

One for guitarists everywhere:

A trombone player and an accordianist are playing the New Years Eve gig in a club

At the end of the night the social secretary reels up to them and says "Can I book you now
for next New Years Eve?"

The trombone player and the accordianist have a quick discussion then reply
"Yes, but do you have a place where we can leave our gear until then?"

Ray L

[Pat Seaman]

What's the difference between a cow and the James Last orchestra? (gotta be careful here!)

The cow has horns at the front and an a*** at the back...................................................

Anon.

[Amanda]

What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common.

Both suck when you plug them in.

How do you make a lead guitarist slow down?

Put some sheet music in front of him.

[Paul Creasey]

Glad to see that not ALL these are "Drummer" jokes!
BTW, Dave..............I'll get you later - long walk from Lincoln to High Green tha' noors!
Regards
Paul

[Bluesnote]

Glad to see that not ALL these are "Drummer" jokes!l

I know Personally I cant see why the drummers are getting the brunt of all this

[cockroach]

OK- here's one that's not picking on drummers (I love most of 'em!)

Three blokes at the Pearly Gates..

Angel Gabriel asks the first bloke what he did for a living..."I was an accountant" said the chap.

"OK, go straight in to the main foyer and have a complimentary beer"

Gabriel asks the second bloke the same question..."I was a politician"

Gabriel says " Oh, my dear sir, welcome - please go straight in to the Private Members lounge and do have as many free cocktails as you desire.."

Gabriel asks the third guy what he did for a crust...."I was a guitar player in a band"...

Gabriel says.."Oh, bloody hell, can't you see I'm busy right now, you blokes are a bloody nuisance...take your gear round the back, you will have to unload and go quickly because there's no parking allowed there, then up three flights of stairs, go through the kitchen, past the men's toilets and set up in the bingo room, and there's no sound check beacuse the club presentation and speeches are on...and don't expect any free bloody drinks, it's full bar price, we're running a business here not a charity..and another thing, don't expect cash, we've already paid the agent, that foreign guy, he didn't hardly speak any English, and said he had a flight to catch..."..."

[RayL]

And another one for drummers . . . . . .

A drummer/percusionist on the London session scene told me this one. As it happens, he lives in the Beulah Hill area of Upper Norwood in London.

Going out wih his wife for the evening, he left instruction for the baby-sitter to take notes if any session fixers rang up and write down the date, time, studio and any special percussion requirements.

When they got back he found a note which included the mysterious requirement 'Beulah Bells'.
Now he'd never heard of these so he started ringing round his fellow drummers but they'd never heard of them either. Eventually he got on to Ray Cooper, the celebrated percussionist, and light dawned. "How many Beulah Bells?" says Cooper. The note read '2'.

Two Beulah Bells . . . . . .

Ray L

[alanbakewell]

Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe; as it happens, in Transylvania. They're driving a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It's late, and raining very hard. Bob can barely see 10 feet in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail. The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her head bleeding. Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone. Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light.

He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife, Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone??"

"I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in and I will get him."

Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor. I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries; so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion."

Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty are no more. The Hills' deaths upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his pipe organ. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. As the music fills the lab, his eyes catch movement. He notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master:







You sure you want to know?









O.K. You asked for it......









"Master, Master!... The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
(ouch !!! ...sorry bout that one ...)