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I recall that someone once replied, when asked what was the purpose of the cavalry on the field of battle, that it was to add a touch of class and decoram, to what would otherwise be just an unseemly brawl. So I thought I would attempt something similar on this esteemed forum, (as I am as guilty as the next person, when I sometimes veer towards the place where smut etc, lurks).

Some years ago I read the following in the Jack Aubrey/Stephan Maturin series of historical naval fiction by the author Patrick O'Brian -

Some naval officers were having a meal as guests of the captain in his cabin. The ship's surgeon is tapping his bread upon the table, to remove the fauna which lurk inside. Two insects crawl out, one large and one small (some sailors did eat them!). The surgeon asks another officer to choose between the two insects. The officer replies that they are very much alike but, if pressed, he would choose the larger one. The surgeon replies "Ah there I have you - you are on a lee shore, with your anchor dragging. Do you not know that you must always choose the Lesser of Two Weevils"!

I'll get me coat (all spelling mistakes are mine)
Kindest regards and keep safe,
Christopher

The American songwriter Frank Loesser was apparently a really nice guy but was married to a lady who was, um, not so nice.
She was known as the evil of two Loessers.

Boom boom! (twice)

Frank Muir was a past master of that sort of humour.

He once told a story about a journalist on the now defunct Life magazine, who had arranged to interview the then president of South Korea, Syngman Rhee, who was on a visit to the US. By the time he got to the airport, the president's entourage had gone. He tried the embassy, the major hotels in New York and eventually tracked him down to the UN Building.

Notebook in hand, he rushed towards him, singing at the top of his voice...

[wait for it...]


"Ah, sweet Mr Rhee of Life, at last I've found you..."

George

Stop me if I've told this one before, but . . . . .

Many songs have been written about Liverpool,
but only Bruce Welch and Brian Bennett have written about that happy land on the other side of the Mersey . . . . .
. . . . . ."Wirral going on a summer holiday"